December 25th

The night had come, crawling in above my head as I finished doing whatever it was I'd been doing for the past 3 hours on my laptop. I felt both of my eyes becoming very sore as I tried to lightly scratch them with my right hand, my left hand reaching for the laptop lid to close it properly. As far as I was concerned about the fact that I'd been facing the same word document for countless times now, I knew I hadn't added up anything meaningful to it as of late, not even a single paragraph worth writing.

And I was still wondering why my head just couldn't hold itself in place when I really needed it to, even for the shortest period of time.

I knew all along that this work promised me with the highest yet unexpected risks from the very start, but I just couldn't wrap my mind around it at first. "Nah, I have nothing to lose," I said to myself as I began working on it without further thoughts. I was so serious and dedicated that I'd never even realized I was putting my mental health, moreover myself, in danger along the line.

As time went by, it got harder and harder to deal with, taking a toll on me as I found myself dragging my lifeless body along the dark tunnel, hoping to find a light at the end of it.

It was cold, obscure, and hazy. It still is.

I finally came to realization that it's the closest thing I have to working out with my repressed trauma, something I'd never realized still sat silently in the corner of my soul that should've gotten fixed from a long time ago.

Acknowledging it is merely the first thing on the list and I still have so many more to go in order to fully let go of it and come to terms with everything. Other things, fortunes and misfortunes, occurring in between, only added up to my homework of my own self-discovery. And I'm not even halfway there.

The journey has just begun.